infailtration | [thisavrou] MID Messages & Mail

[The knock doesn’t surprise him. He makes his way over to open it for York and goes to sit heavily on the couch. It’s still got junk on it; probably South’s and fuck he wants to snap at her for leaving her shit lying around but... he can’t. ]

[ York comes right in, needing to see for himself. Though he knows already that Wash is right -- he checked his TAB on the way over and they're not listed anymore. He goes from room to room, looking at what's left behind, saving North's for last. The bed is made -- of course it is -- and York stumbles forward to sit down on it, feeling sick.

They're gone. Meaning they're all dead. Just like that. ]

[Wash watches him as he checks the rooms. There's still a few bits and pieces, but most of it is gone. Like they were never there at all.

He waits for a couple of minutes, but when York doesn't come out, he goes to peer into North's room, looking at York sitting there. He can't make himself go in, not quite yet.]

[ He's absolutely not going to cry, but he wants to. Might scream, instead. Go find something to hit until the physical pain takes over from this horrible aching in his chest. He senses more than sees Wash in the doorway, and his hands curl into North's sheets. ]

You should move in with us. There's a spare room.

[He gives York a sharp look. He hadn't wanted to move in here at all. He was only here because Maine had insisted. And yet...]

I don't- I don't know if that's a good idea.

Yeah, I know you don't. You can't trust us, you don't want to be our friend, I've heard it. I don't know how to prove that we care about you at this point. But we do. And this is...

[ They're gone. Meaning they're dead. Again, still, whatever. York's stomach turns. Maybe he's wrong to think Wash even gives a shit about that, but he wants to believe his friend is still in there. Somewhere, inside the angry man standing before him. ]

It's not just for you. I don't know what you need, company or solitude. I just know that whatever time I've got left, I want you around for it.

[It's everything he's been saying all along, but right now he can't bring himself to twist the knife. They were all gone. Gone and dead and they'd ben right there and he'd...]

Do you think I have a fucking clue what I need? Because I don't.

[He gives a heavy sigh and goes into the room to sit on the bed next to York.]

I'm sorry.

Stick with company, then, and come back with me.

[ York's not sure what exactly Wash is apologizing for. His own hostility, or just the fact that they're gone? The latter's not his fault and the former... well, they could both be trying harder. But Wash is actually sitting next to him, and that's more than he expected. York curbs the instinct to reach out. They're probably not at a point where comfort cuddles can be a thing. ]

I'm sorry, too.

...I guess it was good to see them again. Even if it didn't last. [ Even if it hurts more now. He swallows past something tight in his throat. ] We're still here.

[He doesn't know why he's apologising either. He doesn't know a lot of things. It would be easier to lash out but... he's tired. Really fucking tired.]

I'm glad you got to.

How's Carolina gonna feel about that if I do?

[ It's a good question... York can't 100% predict what Carolina's going to say, but he feels like he's got a good enough idea of her headspace these days that it's safe to tell Wash what he's thinking. ]

You know that when she's from, things are different. It might hurt at first, having you there but not exactly the person she remembers... but I think she'll be happy that you made the decision to come.

This was the first time I really lived around other people since... [He waves a hand vaguely. The Project. He thinks York will get it.

Sure, he'd been around other people while working Recovery, but no-one had got close. he hadn't even shared a room. Hadn't made friends. Hadn't talked if he could avoid it.]

[ York nods his understanding. This is his first time, too, really, since going on the run. He'd had a private room on the Moira, then an apartment on Thisavrou that he'd been alone in until the very end. The Avagi is different. He'd wanted to stay near North so he and Carolina had moved in with strangers, and that sort of thing was always a gamble but it'd worked out so far. ]

I know the feeling. But Diana's amazing and Kirk keeps to himself. You'd be on our side of the suite anyway.

Everyone was an enemy. For... a long time. Couldn't trust anyone.

...I miss them. [He hates that he misses them. He hates the lurch he'd felt in his gut when he'd found the suite empty.]

[ Unable to curb the impulse anymore, York reaches up and around, gripping Wash's far shoulder. His hand is warm.

He can't make up for the past, but he can do something now. Prove that he's not an enemy, that he can be a better friend now than he was back in the Project. That no matter what he's got Wash's back. ]

We're still here for you.

[He hunches up a little beneath the touch, but while he doesn't move closer, he also doesn't pull away either.]

We're not... you barely even know me.

[Not anymore. He's different. And even in the Project, they hadn't all known each other he thinks, not really. Not like a squad should have.]

Do you want to take North's stuff? I've got Maine's things and South's and Tex will want Church's but...

I want to. I've been trying. That's worth something, right? You've gotta let me in, though.

[ He nods a little, even as his stomach twists again at the thought of clearing out this room. Knowing what North went back to. ]

Yeah, I'll take his stuff.

I wouldn't bother. I'm a pretty terrible person, it turns out.

[It's gonna be easier to try to stop York now than get relaxed and move in and start to care and then lose it all.]

I'll help. I dunno if Carolina wants any of Maine's stuff too. Fuck knows what I'm gonna do with the brute shot.

...why would you say that? We all made mistakes.

[ He doesn't let go of Wash's shoulder -- actually, his fingers curl a little tighter. Like a physical expression of him digging his heels in stubbornly. Carolina had told him that Wash went through a bit of a rough patch after the project, but York blames them for that as much as he would Wash. Nobody came back for him. Maybe if they had, things would have turned out differently. ]

Thanks. We can ask her.

[Wash gives him a flat look.]

I killed people. Not because of the war. Just... because they were in the way. Because I was angry. Because I wanted to hurt people.

I worked with the Meta to hunt Epsilon down.

...I [He shakes his head. He can't quite bring himself to dive off that precipice yet. The part where he brings up Delta and South and the EMP.]

Yeah. That's a good idea.

[ Huh. That doesn't match with the Wash he knew during the Project. Maybe it's true that he never knew Wash at all. He'd been sort of a jerk himself... but he trusts Carolina's judgment, that Wash comes around. Is there for her, in her time. He can't be that bad. York shrugs a little, still not letting go. ]

We should've been there for you.

Why? It's the one area where the Project worked as fucking intended.

Look, let's just... get this stuff together.

No. Nothing about the Project worked. But if there was any connection between us at all, we shouldn't have let that go.

I'm not going to make that mistake twice.

[ He does drop his hand, then, standing up and crossing to North's closet, looking for a bag or something to pack into. ]

What do you think the Leaderboard was for? Sure as hell wasn't to make us a better team.

[He ducks outside and comes back a minute later with a duffle bag.]

You can use this.

I don't know why he wanted us so competitive, though. Obviously it didn't work out for anybody in the end.

[ He takes the duffel and starts packing it, trying not to show too much emotion over clothing and trinkets. ]

...I'm really am sorry I didn't come back.

Because we were experiments. The project stopped being about the war... well, a long time before things ended. Like North and South. You think it was chance that gave North and AI while they kept putting it off for South? They wanted to see what would happen.

Or what would happen if someone got two AIs.The Counsellor is a real fucking sadist when he wants to be.

[He sighs and drags a hand through his hair.]

I am too. But they'd have hunted me down no matter what I did. Don't know. Can't even say what happened was better.

[thisavrou] MID Messages & Mail

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